1. Is it normal to pass gas during sex or orgasm?
In a word, yes, says Hyla Cass, MD, a physician in private practice in Pacific Palisades, California, and the author of 8 Weeks to Vibrant Health. “Bearing down during intercourse can cause gas to be passed if it's combined with letting go of the anal sphincter,” she says, adding that it’s common, normal and, at one point or another, every person experiences it. If you’re worried, take some over-the-counter anti-gas medication a few hours before sex, but here’s a better idea: Don’t fret about it, says Dr. Cass. “If you're intimate enough to have sex, perhaps you are intimate enough to share this other natural function. Isn't sex about letting go?”
2. Will my vagina look different after I have a baby, and will it mean less-satisfying sex?
No one goes through labor and delivery without vaginal changes, says Mary Rosser, MD, PhD, a faculty member of the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology and Women’s Health at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. But it’s not all doom and gloom, she says. “It is totally normal for your vagina to stretch during a vaginal delivery,” Dr. Rosser says. “The vaginal tissues are extremely resilient due to their elastic nature. Many factors can affect the healing process including the size of your baby, how long you pushed and how well your tissue has healed after episiotomy or laceration repair.” To help the process, do Kegel exercises regularly and give it time—at least 6-8 weeks, she says. “Your sexual relationship can be healthier and happier than ever before.”
3. I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse—is that normal?
You’re not alone! According to research from The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, only 29 percent of women report having consistent orgasms during sex—that’s a whopping 71 percent of women who either never have an orgasm during sex or only sometimes. “Many women require more direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse to achieve orgasm,” says Dr. Cass. In other words, don’t feel bad if you just can’t climax from plain old intercourse—many women simply can’t, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. But, if you’re interested in a little sex homework, grab your husband and try this suggestion: “Some women will be able to have an orgasm with intercourse if they have had a clitoral orgasm just prior,” says Dr. Cass.
4. Is there such thing as an “ugly” vagina?
You may have heard about frightening Web sites out there that place female genitalia in two categories based on certain characteristics: beautiful or ugly. Nonsense, says Amy Levine, a New York-based sex coach, certified sexuality educator and founder of SexEdSolutions.com. “No two women's vulvas look alike—we're all unique,” she says. “Labia often give women the most anxiety about their genitals. Labia can be symmetrical or asymmetrical, range in size, vary in texture from smooth to wrinkled as well as range in color from pink to brown.”
If you’re having anxiety about your anatomy, Levine has this advice for you: “Grab a hand mirror and take a good look! Just like learning to love every other part of your body, it's important to embrace what you've been given. If not, you're self-consciousness will likely cause you to sabotage your sexual confidence and ultimately, your sex life. Be grateful that your vulva and vagina are capable of amazing pleasure and purpose.” And, for those considering surgeries to improve the look of their genitalia, Dr. Rosser has this word of caution: “Understand that surgery itself can be more damaging in the end and lead to excessive scarring of the tissues and decreased sensation.” She adds, “How you think and feel about yourself as a woman defines your sexuality. Be comfortable and secure with your own body! You are beautiful!”
5. I’m worried that I smell … down there. How do I know if I have an infection or if it is just normal?
At one point or another, most every woman worries that she has an unpleasant odor, says Dr. Cass. (And, the joke boys tell in high school about girls smelling like fish doesn’t help matters.) While strong vaginal odor can be a sign of an infection, what you’re worried about is most likely your own natural scent—one you shouldn’t be embarrassed about. “We are so deodorized in our culture that normal human odors are often deemed offensive,” says Dr. Cass.
But, if you’re worried, Inga Zilberstein, MD, a New York City-based ob-gyn, gives this primer on vaginal odor: “Usually bacterial infection, Gardnerella, produces a fishy or ammonia-like odor—especially when semen or blood are present.” Other odor culprits include E. coli, yeast infections and even urine on your vulvar skin at the end of the day. She encourages women to try this easy finger test: “A woman can put a finger in her vagina and smell.” She says, “A healthy smell is just a bit sour.”
6. I had unprotected sex once in college. I’m haunted by this, even years later. I’ve never had symptoms of an STD, but should I get an HIV test?
Should you freak out? No, says Dr. Rosser. Should you get a battery of STD tests? Yes. “Your cause for concern is valid as anyone that has unprotected sex, even one time, can get a sexually transmitted disease. For peace of mind, you should see your gynecologist for STD testing, including HIV, and make sure that you are up to date on your Pap smears.” It’s important to note, she says, that some STDs remain symptomless for many years. “Chlamydia, for example, is a sexually transmitted infection that can be silent while scarring your reproductive tract, which can lead to infertility,” she says. “The human papillomavirus (HPV) is also extremely common and contagious; it can cause genital warts and abnormal Pap smears and increase your risk of cervical cancer.” Bottomline: Stop fretting and get tested.
7. Do oral herpes and oral sex mix (in other words, can I pass a cold sore to my partner’s genitals)?
Yes, says Dr. Rosser. “You can pass the cold sore to your partner’s genitals. Herpes simplex virus (HSV) may be passed through kissing as well as oral, vaginal or anal sex. Until recently, it has been generally accepted that HSV-1 is associated with oral or cold sores while HSV-2 is associated with genital sores or blisters.” But, she adds, it’s now known that you can get either virus on your face or genitals. “HSV-1 and HSV-2 can infect oral, genital and anal sites. Genital HSV-1 is becoming more prevalent, especially among teens as they are having oral sex instead of intercourse. It’s important to use a condom with genital as well as oral sex.”
8. I really feel uncomfortable with oral sex—both giving and receiving. Is this normal? How can I get more comfortable with it?
Sexual preferences, and likes and dislikes run the gamut, says Dr. Cass. There’s nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with a certain position, including oral sex. But instead of keeping your concerns to yourself, she encourages women to discuss them with their husbands. “Have a conversation with your partner about it,” she says. You might find, with some self-exploration, that a disinterest and dislike of oral sex could stem from pre-conceived ideas about sex. “Many women grow up feeling that it's dirty down there,” she says, “thus depriving themselves of the full array of sexual pleasures. Just know that it's normal for men and women to enjoy giving and receiving oral sex—so might you!”
